Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
