I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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