Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
is wine microwaveable?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
