Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
