and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
