I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
