I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
