I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
