If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
