I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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