That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
