loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
