ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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