I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
