Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
