you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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