I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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