i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
