we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
