I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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