So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
