let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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