Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
