You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That accounts for only three of the penises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
