Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
