Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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