He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is the high leading the old right now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
