people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
