i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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