I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
