I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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