uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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