i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
