how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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