first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
