so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
