i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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