Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
