if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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