she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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