Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize