Are we in a gay sports bar?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
