I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
