Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
