I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
