My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
