If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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