im about as happy as oj after his trial
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
