please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
