BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
