Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
