Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
