K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize