I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
