Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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