I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
