Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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