Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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