Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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