Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
