I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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