I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why do cheetos always look like penises
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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