There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
