actually, I'm a sock model
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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